


Some alone time

by MallowJum



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Gen, Reflection, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22031191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MallowJum/pseuds/MallowJum
Summary: He feels weirdly passive about this. Would this have happened on any other day, he probably would've freaked out. But today? Today is the kind of day you look at your dead mothers reflection sitting next to you, and you just let it be. No use going nuts about it, really-On an Impulsive journey to find peace, Steven finds something - or someone - completely different.
Relationships: Pink Diamond & Steven Universe
Comments: 4
Kudos: 76





	Some alone time

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy!

Steven curses as the motor goes completely silent, after one, two, grand revving up noises. No gas. Great. 

God, he should've known that this was a bad idea. Impulsively leaving Beach City? Not wanting to be found? Going as far as leaving his phone behind? 

With a few more harsh words that Garnet and Pearl certainly wouldn't approve of, he opens the car door and steps into the quiet spring night. When he started driving, it was barely evening - he has no clue where he is or how to get back home. 

"Not that I wanna…" he tells no one, his voice sounding far away. He doesn't want to go back home. Especially not now that he's already out here. He groans as he thinks about his hastily scribbled note - _"I'm going away for a while - don't worry"_ \- why did he have to make it so ominous? Why couldn't he have thought this out? Something like-

_"hey guys, the last few months have been exhausting! So I have decided to take a short break. Don't worry, I took plenty of supplies with me"_

Oh, of course. _Now_ that it's already done, he's thinking of better ways to convey the message. The whole _reason_ why he didn't want to tell his friends directly was because he knew he wouldn't find the right words face to face. But once it came to writing them down, he rushed himself, the thought of finally being at peace overwhelming him. 

The last few months… he felt like he was going crazy. Like he's the only person in the world who hasn't stopped fighting. But fight what? What is left to fight? 

There has to be some hidden enemy, some big bad they haven't known about until now, he kept telling himself. It'll bring everyone together again - Lars will come back to earth and fight alongside them, Connie will be fighting next to him, like she always has. 

But that just isn't true, now is it? That's just… wishful thinking. And isn't it horrible? Isn't it awful that he wants something bad to happen, simply because he feels directionless? Simply because he doesn't want his friends to drift apart? 

Steven takes a deep breath. He didn't come here to think about that. He locks his door and walks over to the forest that stretches along on both sides of this never-ending road. 

He doesn't plan on going in too far - not that he can get any more lost than he already is, but he does kinda want to keep his car. 

Only a few steps in, and Steven notices a small lake a bit further in. Good - the sound of water has always been relaxing. Whether it is from his bathtub being filled for another corrupted gem, or the rain gently hitting the roof, or a waterfall coming cashing down. For Steven, it always carried the connotation of calmness with it. 

He walks past the pine trees standing proud and tall, over to the small lake. It's surface is completely still. 

He stares at his own reflection. That's him. Steven Universe. Right here, between the trees and the sky and the leaves - he looks like a normal kid. He sits down by the water. 

Who could this normal kid have been? Would his biggest worry be if he'd make it into his dream college? Or would he be having love troubles? 

Closing his eyes, he allows himself to indulge in this boring, normal life. 

He goes to school everyday, with his childhood friend by his side. They talk about the newest show they have been watching. 

'What, you watched ahead?' she would say. 'hey, no spoilers!' and Steven would laugh, telling her that he would _never._

And then - right before they enter school, a big monster appears and!-

No, no, no. He groans. This isn't normal at all! 

"Geez…" he opens his eyes again. 

Does he _want_ to have a normal life? 

Hell, how should he know? It's the thing he should want, right? But it just doesn't seem like him. Would he get bored? 

As he continues staring at his own reflection, the water surface suddenly begins to change. The water seems to boil without ever getting hot, and then freezes without dropping temperature. He attempts putting his hand on the ice - but his hand just slips through, like it's still a liquid. 

And then - and then he hears footsteps. Footsteps from inside the water, kind of. 

The reflection changes again. She - she's sitting next to him. 

But - she isn't! He turns his head where the reflection shows her but it's as empty as it was a few moments ago. She has her eyes closed, like she's also imagining something. 

He… he isn't as alarmed as he should be, really. This is just evidence that he's going crazy for real - at least he should take it in stride. 

Well, and this isn't as bad as the nightmares or…memories he kept having two years ago. It's actually pretty okay. Not something he can trust, but something he can let happen. 

As he ponders, she finally opens her eyes, her diamond pupils darting all over the place. 

"Steven." 

"Mom." 

He feels weirdly passive about this. Would this have happened on any other day, he probably would've freaked out. But today? Today is the kind of day you look at your dead mothers reflection sitting next to you, and you just let it be. No use going nuts about it, really. 

"Ha," his mother interrupts his musings. "Like mother like son, I guess." 

He raises an eyebrow at the reflection looking back at him. 

"We're spiraling. Or rather, I was. Not like I can, anymore." 

"Spiraling… one way to describe it."

"Running away to keep yourself from going crazy… Steven, I'm sad that I couldn't get to know you, but I understand why you're doing this." her face takes on a bittersweet expression. 

He stays silent. 

"You're not selfish for doing this, you know that?" 

"What do _you_ know?" 

A sad smile hushes over her face. "I had to tell myself the exact same thing. That I'm not selfish for leaving my family behind. That I'm doing what's best for the earth." 

"Did… did you hate the diamonds? Your family?" 

"Oh, I wanted to." she taps her fingers against the floor. "I really wanted to hate them. They were the enemy, after all. They were _my_ enemy." 

"But-" 

"But in the end, I couldn't even do that. I ran away from them, both because I saw the beauty in earth but also because… I simply couldn't handle it anymore. I felt like a prisoner, I felt hopeless." 

"Hopeless?" 

"I couldn't see a future where we - where _I -_ was happy. I gave them so many chances, and I knew that one day they'd turn and get better but. Well, why should I be the one to endure them until that happens? Why should I be patient, and wait and wait and wait?" she stares intensely at Steven, "Back then - I realized that I'm more than just a mediator between my family. That it's not my responsibility to make sure that they're all happy - especially when it's leaving me in shambles." she rips out a few blades of grass. "Do you think that that makes me selfish, Steven?" 

It's not a rhetorical question, he realizes. She is genuinely invested in Steven's opinion. 

He thinks about the question for a few seconds. "It… it isn't? It - it's complicated? I don't think this is a simple yes or no question." 

Pink sighs. "You're right. I mean, I spent my whole life wondering about that and I still haven't come to a conclusion." 

"You sounded pretty sure, though. About not being selfish." 

"Oh, Steven" she chuckles. "Of course I do. I have to." 

"You - do?" 

"Yeah," she grins, all teeth. "Or I'd go spiraling again."

He - he understands. Somehow. "But what about all the others you hurt? What about Volleyball? What about Spinel?" 

Her grin falls, and all that's left is a blank expression. "Spinel… my pink pearl…" she hums, and then takes in a deep breath. "Steven, you know when you hurt the people close to you when you feel like you're out of control?" 

He stares at his mother in anticipation. Will she explain how it wasn't her who broke Volleyball? Or how she had no other choice but to leave Spinel behind? 

"You - you have an excuse. You're growing. You're young. It doesn't _completely_ excuse your actions. You need a mentor to teach you. You need someone who listens to your worries." she hugs her legs to her chest. "But I have no excuse. I am… I am simply a horrible person at the core." 

"Wh- what? No, that's not right!" 

"Oh, Steven. You know it's right. I'm awful, and I have to live with the guilt of my actions." 

"Is - is that your excuse?" 

"There is no excuse." 

Steven wants to say a lot of things. He wants to yell at her, because she dumped all these problems onto him when she disappeared. He wants to reassure her, because in some way, they're in the same boat right now. He wants to make her reflection disappear because _do you realize how many gems you hurt-_

But instead he says nothing at all. Because in reality, there's nothing more to say. She's gone. She doesn't need to hear reassurance or yelling. 

"I can't really help you - I think you know that. But remember this, Steven. No matter where you go, who you leave behind, what you choose to do - you will always feel regret or guilt in some way. So make it that you create more memories you can look back in pride, than memories in which you feel guilty."

"I - I'll try." 

"And one more thing-" 

Steven lifts his head to look at his mother again. She grins. 

"There's a gas station and motel only 500 feet down the road." 

"How do you - ugh, never mind." he shakes his head and rubs his eyes. Don't question it, he tells himself. This is some weird diamond thing probably. Maybe his power is sensing the nearest motels and Fast Food joints or something. Would probably be more useful than his other powers, in this day and age. 

He stands up, and it isn't surprising to see his reflection all alone again. He pats the dirt off his jeans and goes back to the car stranded on the empty road. 

He pushes the car slightly forward. If his mom - the reflection was right, his next destination is only 500 feet away. He can push the car for that small distance - thanks to his gem powers, of course. 

He begins pushing. His head is… quiet for once. No thoughts of his uncertain future or his disappearing friends clouds his mind. It's just him, the slowly rising sun, and the seemingly endless road. 

Huh. He could get used to that. 

**Author's Note:**

> Is it just a reflection Steven made to help himself make peace? Or was it actually pink diamond through some means? You decide :) 
> 
> OK so. I. Started Steven universe like a week ago and I finished it yesterday so that's that. A LOT TO PROCESS!! but my first impulse was to write something.  
> Honestly, pink diamonds character is so intriguing and Steven's current relationship to her is so interesting as well!!  
> But anyways, I hope you liked this! Kudos and comments especially are always appreciated!


End file.
